Winner of November: Before I Saw the Light

By: Opal Lin

DECEMBER 9TH, 2003

02:49 a.m. I don’t remember what happened; it all happened so quickly that it was almost peaceful.

02:53 a.m. I made my way down the spiral staircase. I couldn’t see anything – it was so dark I couldn’t
make out my own shadow.

02:55 a.m. I finally made my way into the living room under the guidance of the eerie moonlight.

02:56 a.m. The old and worn sofa seemed so welcoming and inviting I couldn’t help but fall into its
cushion full of softness.

07:17 a.m. I woke up to the familiar scent of cinnamon pancakes. I lazily crawled away from the sofa and
stumbled into the kitchen like I always did.

07:18 a.m. My mom was lying helplessly on the floor – weeping. I cried out in shrill horror but she did
not look up.

07:20 a.m. I waited patiently and silently before I reached my hand out to touch my mother, only to find
out that I couldn’t feel her; I couldn’t feel the touch of anything.

07:21 a.m. I stared hopelessly at both of my hands. I did not understand; why couldn’t I feel anything?
Why couldn’t my mother hear me?

08:01 a.m. I mindlessly sat on the sofa I slept on earlier. The lingering question still haunts me: what has
happened to me?

09:05 a.m. There was a slight knock on the front door and I watched my mother helplessly push herself
up from the kitchen floor – where she was unmoved for over an hour – to answer the door.

09:07 a.m. I anxiously pulled my hair when I saw that there were three police officers standing in the
front door. I hid behind my mother like a little girl I used to be, nervously waiting to hear what the
officers had to say.

10:24 a.m. My mother’s face grew paler and paler every minute. I could barely hear what the officers had
to say anymore. My eyes were blurring, my hearings started to fade and I could remember – or see – was
last night’s event playing in the back of my mind.

DECEMBER 8TH, 2003

11.36 p.m. It was a cold winter night, colder than I had remembered from the previous years. The pool
was now frozen solid and the chirping birds had already flown away. I lied on my bed holding the book
Oliver Twist, while trying to juggle a cup of warm milk in my other hand.

01:59 a.m. The time did not discourage me into letting go of the book since I was determined to finish it
before the sunrise.

02:04 a.m. There was a soft but audible thud from downstairs which made me jump, causing the
untouched cup of milk to spill all over my blanket.

02:06 a.m. I cursed throughout the whole time I walked down the spiral staircase in search of a new
blanket to last me through the cold winter night.

02:11 a.m. Thud. I called out into the darkness, did father come home early from his business trip?

02:12 a.m. There was no reply, let alone a sound. It was probably Whiskers, playing with a ball of yarn in
the middle of the night. I bet that old cat couldn’t sleep either.

02:18 a.m. After I found an extra sheet of blanket, I crept up the stairs quietly in case everyone else in the
house was already asleep.

02:20 a.m. My bedroom door was swung open. I paused, not remembering leaving it opened. I shrugged,
figuring it was the lonely winter wind.

02.21 a.m. I-I couldn’t breathe -- two big hands grabbed me by the shoulders and I stifled a silent cry for
help but the hands gripped bones so tightly my knees went weak and I was unable to let out more than a
mere squeak.

02:22 a.m. I was a weak, weak man who lost an unknown battle.

02:32 a.m. The pain of having my hands tied behind my back was all I ever thought about at that
moment.

02:33 a.m. Stop, I scolded myself. Stop worrying so much about the pain and focus on what is going on.
My eyes were covered with what seemed to be a kitchen table cloth; I couldn’t see anything. But I could,
however, hear muffled voices in the background.

02:47 a.m. I began feeling sore all over. My back and arms were aching, and I just wanted to scream in
pain and agony. Instead, I let out a groan in defeat.

02:48 a.m. The voices… they were back. Please, I silently beg, please don’t hurt me.

02:49 a.m. There was a loud thwack and I fell into a deep sleep, never to wake again.

DECEMBER 9th, 2003

10:28 a.m. I wanted to reach out to her, tell her I was fine, that she should move on with her life. But I
couldn’t… because I was dead.

10:29 a.m. I was dead. Like the meat in the frozen solid in the refrigerator. I looked over to my mom,
who looked deader than I was.

10:30 a.m. One of the police officers now step forward which caught my attention. He spoke slowly and
with caution that the burglars were yet to be caught but he promised to keep my mother updated if they
found anything.

10:32 a.m. The police officers bid my mother good-bye and offered their sympathies before walking out
the door.

10:33 a.m. Part of me wanted to stay here with my mother and comfort her, but the other half… I was
furious. What had I done to deserve to be so brutally murdered?

10:34 a.m. I wanted my revenge.

10:35 a.m. I couldn’t… I can’t. I had to stay with my mother. I didn’t know how much longer I would be
able to stay with her.

10:44 a.m. I paced back and forth, watching my mother on the phone with my father. I listened to her
as she explained – lips trembling – how three burglars broke into the house in the middle of the night in
search of money but ended up leaving the house empty-handed… and ended my life.

10:51 a.m. The house phone rang and my mother spoke in rapid French with my father before she hung
up and answered the telephone.

10:56 a.m. My mother ended the call and dragged herself upstairs.

11:48 a.m. My mother – all dressed in black – managed maintained her balance as she walked down the
staircase slowly. She had decided that she did not want my body to be investigated and wanted a proper
Christian burial right now since my body was not in a, well, “good” condition.

12:45 p.m. I had always been curious who would show up to my funeral and ironically, my wish was
granted.

12:26 p.m. Polished town cars came to a stop in front of the church and out stepped my mother’s friends
in black pump heels holding sleek black leather bags. My father’s friends in black suits stepped out sports
car – they too, were looking sleek.

12:54 p.m. I was flustered not seeing any of my friends showing up. Then again, it was a school day. But
still, did I mean little importance to them? I couldn’t decide.

12:59 p.m. I was about to go inside the church to eavesdrop on some conversations when a silver
Mercedes Benz came to screeching stop. I froze.

01:00 p.m. Grandma.

01:01 p.m. I haven’t been in contact with Grandma for years. I often wondered if it was something I did
or if in a positive light, she was too busy. Right.

01:02 p.m. My hands were starting to get sweaty and I angrily stomped over to her. The woman had guts
I’m telling you. Of all the days in the past, she decided to visit me when I was dead.

01:03 p.m. The frail old woman held onto her driver – wait, make that bodyguard – to help her walk.
I observed her thoroughly: her white hair was expensively cut, her face was practically wrinkle-free
compared to woman her age and she had the new Hermès Birkin handbag. Life was so unfair.

01:05 p.m. I followed my Grandma into the church, surprised that all the seats were full. Huh, people did
care about me after all. When Grandma walked in, everyone fell silent; and all the men who were busy
typing on their Blackberry screens looked up and glanced at her nervously and all the women who were
busy gossiping smiled at her awkwardly.

01:06 p.m. I chuckled to myself; Grandma always had those kinds of affect on people. The priest finally
cleared his throat and began.

01:10 p.m. Four minutes into the ceremony, I started feeling lightheaded. I dismissed my sudden
dizziness by carefully survey the room. I noticed that people were starting to get bored; some were rolling
their eyes, while others just simply stared into outer space. I crossed my arms and gave them a death glare
but they didn’t seem to notice. Of course they didn’t.

01:11 p.m. In addition to my ongoing dizziness, the sunlight that poured through the church’s stained
glass window was blinding me. I stared at the light, mesmerized. The more I squinted my eyes, the more
beautiful and blinding it became until I-I couldn’t s-see anything.

01:12 p.m. I blocked out the light with my right hand and cast one last look at everyone. My mother
looked like an angel but without the halo. I wished my father a good health and blessed God to be with
my step brother. I touched my heart gently with my left hand and silently forgave Grandma for not being
here all these years. I blinked, not sure if whether I was hallucinating or not, but a tear slid down her
delicate cheeks. I shook my head and smiled, turning back to focus on the light.

01:13 p.m. With all the strength I had left, I opened my eyes one last time. The light was beautiful.

AFTERWORDLIGHT: In the end, my friends did show up. I watched the whole ceremony from

Heaven. It was beautiful gathering. Everyone had a white lily tied with a gold ribbon in their hands
which they happily kept in their houses to remember me by. My mother – always so thoughtful. She
did get better, although she would turn bitter once in a while, but at least she had my father and step
brother to help her get through. As for the burglars, I daresay they did not live a happy life. The ending
to Grandma’s chapter was not a happy one either. Grandma fell ill and was told that she was not going to
make it. I could see her struggling to stay alive but when she was ready, I will be here, waiting for her to
see the same light I did.